Sweet Jesus, what’s that boy doing in there – taking a bubble bath? This one’s weird, cleaning himself before and after, but now he’s gotta go, before Keshon comes for his money. I strap on my new shoes, all glittery red. They make my legs look real good. “A gift for my best sugar doll,” Keshon said. Well he better find himself another doll cuz I’m outta here, mama’s gonna take my sorry ass back. I rub the locket she gave me, for luck, my only goodness inside, and stretch on the mattress for a little shut-eye.In between ambulances the medic mutters, “Worse than fucking Afghanistan.” I’ve no idea, all I know is I’m 36 hours straight running triage on gang-bangers ODing on whatever crap they shoot up their veins. I need some goddamn sleep, but gurneys line the hall from here to Timbuktu, this one with a ridiculous red shoe wedged between sheeted feet. Still conscious, brown eyes stare at me, wide, scared. I should pat her hand, comfort her but there’s no time, another ambulance pulled into the bay. Besides, with all those stab wounds no way I’m betting on her odds anyway.
He studies the body, measures the depth and width of each slash. The camera flashes. No ID, no clothes, clean tox screen, just like the other prostitutes in the mortuary. Only a single stiletto and a necklace. He photographs the infant smiling from the locket before pressing his hand over the dead girl’s open eyes.
**
Inspired by this week's 52-250 Flash A Year theme: sleep
Peace, Linda
Posts
frighteningly cold and scary..all too real too isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYour title is a KO punch. Sadly real.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sad story...
ReplyDeleteThis is so tragic. And that necklace with the picture of her child, her "only goodness", inside. That broke my heart.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you reveal details on top of each other through the different characters perspectives.
Jai
Love the layering of the 3 different voices, that first voice is a knockout
ReplyDeletemarc nash
I love the layering in this too. Wonderfully tragic.
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful stuff! That last line just makes the story.
ReplyDeleteExcellent. I agree with Marc that the three different voices are remarkable. This one was disturbing. (in a good, literary way.
ReplyDeleteLove the three voices. So haunting and dark, I love it. I think you did an excellent job of really getting inside the head of all three characters, in such short flashes - excellent!
ReplyDeleteStrong and tight. All funnels down right to the last knock-out line.
ReplyDeleteOh I so totally loved this. LOVE Linda. I'm full of Linda-love.
ReplyDelete(word verification is "SPINES")
Wow... so real. So sad. But yet so good. This is great writing in such a small package.
ReplyDeleteJim
Haunting. A bit of hope in first paragraph that she was "outta here." Sad that her locket brought no good luck at all.
ReplyDeleteUnsurprisingly Linda, I'm left with mouth hanging open. To be able to convey so many different voices in such a small space, and with vigor at that, is no small feat. You astound me! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad conjunction of voices. The way the color red was threaded through made this piece work for me.
ReplyDeleteThis is so good. The three POV's and the literal thread of all the eyes in various states of seeing or not seeing, and this feeling that you want to stop what is happening (the minute I read he was cleaning himself my heart stopped) but you cannot stop it. All you can do is keep reading and feeling the sadness of the loss which is occurring.
ReplyDeleteWonderful writing. I wish he would have tried to comfort her for just a second. So sad, she was almost out. The red shoes reminded me of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Maybe if she would have clicked her heels together...
ReplyDeleteLove how you did this. You unleash a full blown tragedy with so few words, geat stuff
ReplyDeleteCreepy final image, Linda. Different place for you.
ReplyDeleteHey all, thanks so much for reading. yes, this is a little out of my usual style. Been having intermittant internet all weekend, so will get to reading and catching up as long as I have access! Peace, Linda
ReplyDeleteThe transition from the first paragraph to the second punched me in the gut. I agree with the others that the three voices are amazing--such a powerful way to tell this story, so clearly and succintly.
ReplyDeleteLove how the red shoe ties everything together. But geez. How horrible a life this poor girl has lived, that all her "goodness" is kept in such a small space; and how much worse that it is all taken away from her when she finally sees her way clear to go home.
ReplyDeleteGood one, Linda. As intricate as a many-layered cake. Or, as Shrek might say, an onion, because it does leave a bitterly sad aftertaste.
This was a very different tale. The 3 different takes on moments in her life really tie the story together. The first person at the beginning was the strongest voice for me. Excellent job, Linda.
ReplyDeleteDamn, that was powerful.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ant. I feel like I just got punched in the gut. I literally, gasped, such stark and powerful writing.
ReplyDeleteDamn. That's like an eye black n bruised shut. An eye that doesn't want to see.
ReplyDelete