…and when I open my eyes I see what a perfect shot, the arrow stuck in the side of my neck, a fountain of blood sinking the snow like maple sap, and Dave barrels through underbrush, his breath heaves white clouds, he’s lost his hat, there’s a bald spot in back I’d never noticed because even though he’s my little brother he’s five inches taller, and he sinks to his knees, shit, shit, shit, oh shit, then fumbles in his camo for his cell and I laugh, you idiot, you fucking know you can’t get a signal this side of the mountain, but he jabs at the stupid buttons anyway, and then Pa grasps my fingers, odd because he’s never held my hand and he’s dead ten years anyway, and he says with his eyes, it’s time to go, and below spins green and white, this brilliant heat fills me, and I turn to Pa and say, hey it’s true what they say on those tv shows, those people who die and come back, and when he smiles I know I’m dead and it’s okay this peace falls over me, a kind of grace I feel after I mow the hayfield all sweaty and happy, and when I think of Marisa, the swell of her belly, and I wait for the tug, the one that yanks me back to Dave blubbering over me in the cold bloody snow, I wait and wait, but Pa grips me harder and…
***
Inspired by the 52-250 Flash-a-Year Challenge: floating away. And by the bio television series I Survived -- Beyond and Back about folks who die, then return to describe their experiences. Evidence of an afterlife? Or merely the barrage of neurotransmitters shooting off in your brain as your body shuts down?
Who knows. And who cares? All I know is their stories reassure me about death. Comfort me. Peace, Linda
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Hunting accidents are bad enough, but an archery accident is harsh.
ReplyDelete"blood sinking the snow like maple sap" - Love the imagery! (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteHeartbreaking imagery and thoughts - the kind you do so well, Linda.
ReplyDeleteI love that you used stream of consciousness to write this because it captured that "life-flashes-before-your eyes" phenomenon that usually happens to us during tragic events. I found this piece oddly peaceful and reassuring. The father holding his hand, the feeling of being sweaty and happy, the knowledge that he's not alone on the other side. Very cool that you could capture that all in just a few words.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people care, Linda. So do you, or you wouldn't have written it. I care, and I liked it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just tired this morning and am unable to come up with suitable comments (all true!) but I am blown away by your story and cannot find words that won't be trite. So please know I love this, for many reasons.
ReplyDeleteAMAZING. AMAZING. AMAZING. A quick shot - I could hear the person talking... just brilliant writing here.
ReplyDeleteJim Bronyaur
http://jimbronyaur.com/?page_id=121 (#fridayflash)
www.twitter.com/jimbronyaur
Life flashing before your eyes? Nice pacing and quickness to show that feeling of hopelessness.
ReplyDelete"...then Pa grasps my fingers, odd because he’s never held my hand and he’s dead ten years..."
ReplyDeleteAnd right there everything in the story comes into focus - no matter how it is finally going to end.
I loved the way this flowed...life pouring way.
Really well done.
Another brilliant flash, Linda. I love the lack of punctuation and formatting in this. It's a beautifully tragic story. Your words always hang with me after I read them and I know this piece will too.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous descriptions, even the blood in the snow had a certain kind of beauty. Amazing story. This is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI, too, enjoyed the absense of periods. It was like all of his thoughts running together as time and this world slipped away. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent story! Love the stream of consciousness of him trying to hang on to life. Too bad it doesn't look like he's going to make it...
ReplyDeleteLinda, I Love, Love, Love this! I'm a great believer of "the Other Side", and it's stories like this that comfort me in that belief.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely amazing how you told so much in so few words!
Because you're such a master, I created something for you: http://wp.me/pxgHj-n1
Thank you so very much for sharing your brilliant talent!
Wow, intense. The stream of consciousness worked to a T. It seemed hopeful, almost serene, until the thought of the child he would never see - that really tugs at the heart. Very nice, Linda.
ReplyDelete~jon
I agree, the stream of consciousness was perfect for this. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSo very gorgeous and indeed haunting, Linda...
ReplyDeleteWell done!
ReplyDeleteit doesn't hurt to believe in the other side
Owww! That last line was such a grabber.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant descriptions as usual, Linda. I got such a sense of this character's life and death.
Jai
So many styles of writing this week! Your stream of consciousness is very effective given your character's situation. I'd imagine being between life and death and knowing it would sound something like that in my head. Very different and very good.
ReplyDelete