Sunday, November 20, 2011


My husband, children, and cat left this morning in the thick dark of pre-dawn, headed to New England to visit his family. I will join them Wednesday -- too much work to leave early and join them on their adventure.

Watching them drive away, I wanted to draw them back, give each another, deeper hug. Always, I worry -- suppose something happens? Suppose we never see each other again? The necessity of separation, of not being with the ones you love in case, fills me, the mother, with a low-frequency anxiety. It makes me aware that living cradles the same cusp as dying, of 'bad things happening', and to grasp the now with both hands and both feet.

Already, less than two hours later, the quietude I have craved overwhelms. It's an uneasy solitude I will likely feel comfortable with just hours before I leave. I've filled the space with cleaning a toilet, a garbage can, of picking up the cat's food bowl. I have walked through every room of the house, picked up errant socks and crumpled tissues. I have drunk two cups of coffee and thought about this blog post. But I cannot dwell on 'what ifs', on those contingencies which control me and not the other way around. I have a few hours of quiet, and must make the best of them, for I will crave them again all too soon when in the midst of the turmoil and noise that makes a family and a life. Peace...


  1. Oh, I know where you are coming from. In the chaos of family life we crave the quiet to hear our thoughts, then when we get it, the quiet overwhelms.

    Safe travels to you and your family.

  2. The very definition of motherhood is worry.
    Try and relax, mom! Do some of that fabulous writing of yours and lose yourself in the words.
    And, like Laurita says, safe travels to you all.

  3. One's own company is a little intimidating until you realize what a gift it is to have the time to do what you want!

    Travel well!

  4. Thanks all. Back from Massachusetts, which returned me from my quietude, but in a very good way.

    Got some writing done beforehand, though, including my paper for class. About 30k into NaNo, haivng much fun noodling around with characters and plots. Peace...