I've been quiet of late. Very quiet. Yes, I have been busy -- papers to read, exams to administer, 160 pharmacy students to graduate, Spring concerts and picnics, grant proposals, conferences. I am tired. Physically exhausted.On top of this physical busy-ness, life now is turbulent.
And I do not thrive in uncertainty.
Change brings out fear in people. Fear smells bad and makes people behave badly. When friends I think I know and love disappoint me, it puts me into a funk. Ten years, and betrayals at all levels -- my family, my children, my confidences. Ten years of relationship that evaporate at the whiff of change.
I am tired. Of having high expectations of people. Of being the loyal friend. Of taking the high road. Of holding my tongue. Of not fighting back. But I would rather suffer exhaustion than succumb to the ennervation of fear because I want to sleep at night.
When in doubt, choose love. This is my mantra. The silver lining is that others I love also choose love, and this is what fuels me. For those of you who choose the higher, selfless path -- thank you. You know who you are. Peace...
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Wish I could invite you over for a coffee to talk about it. So sorry about your troubles. If it's any consolation, you're choosing the right path. Try and get some rest, huh?
ReplyDeleteHugs.
the answer is there it is looking for you..
ReplyDeleteThis is what I try to do, don't know if I'm always successful. Dear Linda, I hope you find some peace.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I do not thrive in uncertainty either.
ReplyDeleteLove your mantra, for me too, it seems like the best thing to choose.
Sorry you're in this situation right now, lean on those who also choose love and eventually all will be well.
*sending you hugs and peace*
Do I know who I am? That's relieving. Sometimes I wonder.
ReplyDeleteProfessional life certainly trumps blogging duties, Linda. Go on and serve all those students. Take care of yourself. Drop us some lines across our blogs and Twitter accounts when you're free. We'll wait, don't worry.
Thank you -- you are all so kind. The busy-ness is over, and dear John -- blogging saves me from all that professional life which can get so overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteThe physical busy-ness is a salvation of sorts, it keeps me focused and distracted from over-thinking this other thing which I can't go into details yet, but will be able to in a couple of weeks. The upside is that the turbulence has sprouted the germs of a story, a big story, and so I write it out.
I'll take those hugs, and good wishes, and know they are reflected back to you a thousand-fold. Peace...
Linda - be careful about that high road - it has deep ditches that can swallow you. I hope you take even a few moments each day for yourself - it will help you recharge. Be good to yourself!
ReplyDelete