I've been quiet of late. Very quiet. Yes, I have been busy -- papers to read, exams to administer, 160 pharmacy students to graduate, Spring concerts and picnics, grant proposals, conferences. I am tired. Physically exhausted.
On top of this physical busy-ness, life now is turbulent.
And I do not thrive in uncertainty.
Change brings out fear in people. Fear smells bad and makes people behave badly. When friends I think I know and love disappoint me, it puts me into a funk. Ten years, and betrayals at all levels -- my family, my children, my confidences. Ten years of relationship that evaporate at the whiff of change.
I am tired. Of having high expectations of people. Of being the loyal friend. Of taking the high road. Of holding my tongue. Of not fighting back. But I would rather suffer exhaustion than succumb to the ennervation of fear because I want to sleep at night.
When in doubt, choose love. This is my mantra. The silver lining is that others I love also choose love, and this is what fuels me. For those of you who choose the higher, selfless path -- thank you. You know who you are. Peace...