I miss being younger. Yes, I miss my body behaving, my mind facile and witty, my skin supple, my hair wavy, my silhouette an hour glass. But most of all, I miss the anything-is-possible, world-is-my-oyster, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar sensibility that plagues all young people.I miss wanting to jump in a car with friends and supplies--Doritos, wine, REM in the tape-deck, twenty bucks--and driving north, south, west, anywhere, nowhere. I miss talking to strangers. I miss wandering large cities alone, going to hear music in bars, dancing at parties, without fear, without anxiety, without worry of what might happen while I am away.
But the more I have plunged into life, the more I have seen the hurts it inflicts. I have children now; I have to protect them, I have to keep me safe. For who will watch over them when they nibble on that oyster?
I am approaching that time in life when I think of mortality, not if, but when. And how. And I miss the innocence of not knowing or caring about the end of this life. Peace...
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I will soon be ruminating on three score! Yet another time to reflect and look forward (but most of all to be in the present :)
ReplyDeleteI've got some on ya. Not much, but some. I'm going down the canal on the next warmish sorta day with my rollerblades and thankyah kindly. It's just a numbah till ya let it be somethin' mowah...Knowaddamean?
ReplyDeleteI also have a few years on you. Would you be a teenager again? I wouldn't despite their supple body, soft skin and shiny hair. Far too many of them are carrying emotional baggage and fears which later we can push aside.
ReplyDeleteYes we are mortal, but so are those teenagers.
Be kind to yourself.
Your post makes me sad, that it seems you feel the past holds more for you than the future (your future, not just your children's). I just did two score and also had a lot to think about. But I decided that I'm thankful for all those earlier adventures, but that now is great too (and I remind myself that I spent a lot of my younger years wishing I had exactly what I have now...flaccid stomach muscles excepted). Don't be fearful of what can go wrong, go boldly into life, your life. After all, you're a role model now.
ReplyDeleteBig birthday hugs,
xxxx
Those are things I miss too. But There are many things I don't miss, and many things I am glad to have now, and things I look forward to.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the now, and let your inner teen out once and a while. ;)
Ah, those days of fearlessness...
ReplyDeleteI think as we get older we become aware of the consequences our actions illicit. Still, I would give anything for a few moments of delirium. (Hugs)Indigo
Oh holy moly... dear friends, I DO sound melancholy, don't I? This post was inspired by the realization that a shift in my thinking, or perceiving of my life, had occurred. I look forward to the future with gusto; indeed, I much prefer these years to my 20s and early 30s (such wishy-washy decades).
ReplyDeleteBut still... still... to not worry about things as much would be such a release. Yes, a moment of delirium is in order... or a glass of wine. Peace...
What's a score?
ReplyDeleteTwenty, babycakes. A score=twenty. ;^)
ReplyDeleteLinda, I think we'd all be a lot wiser if we spent some time thinking about our mortality. Death and change are the only things inevitable in this life.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that you're talking about this topic. I just came from Cuban's blog and he was talking about this too.
Happy Birthday for when you do hit that two score and ten! It's an achievement, mortality or no.
Jai
You have an award at my blog.
ReplyDeleteJai
Greetings Linda,
ReplyDeleteAnd if we listen to the voice of our inner child, the innocence and the wonderment of it all, talks to us in the most profound of ways.
Peace and respect to you from a dude who is two score and eighteen years young :)
Gary